Two Wounds

Whenever we tend to be a little careless and trip over something, consequently making us fall on our knees, there's a large catch of possibility for us to: 

A. Get hurt 
B. Get Wounded 
C. Be Sprained 
D. All of the above

A single wound can inflict so much pain on our system, regardless of our tolerance level. Others may seem tough and belittle that wound, but somehow it would still ache. Specially during the healing process in which you are to disinfect the wound and let an alcohol run through it- and it stings like the way memories hit you. 

Tackling its figurative side, that wound actually represents a BREAKUP, which hurts and takes time to heal. In the end, these wounds will turn into scars which could be no longer obvious but they leave an indelible spot on your body. 

Meaning, we cannot really take these breakups off our minds. They cannot be totally forgotten, even if we have already moved on. Some scars aren't removable and we just have to learn to live with them. 

But the question is: 
What if you have gotten a wouned you are trying so hard to endure and heal but not after a long time, you had another one? 

Worst case scenario: It's bigger and greater than the preceding wound - A FRIENDSHIP BREAKUP. This is probably the most crestfallen type of breakup that anybody could experience. Well, it depends if your former lover holds more importance than your best pals, but of course for the majority it's the latter which matters more. Therefore, a friendship taking its toll tends to be more painful than having a guy/girl end things with you. 

Recently, I just had that terrible experience. 

Another night of trembling lips, brimming tears cascading down my cheeks and feeling something breaks inside of me. I am still in a healing process of a wound in my heart and yet here comes another one. This is not to ask for sympathy but now I am scared to get attached with people because once they opt to leave, you would feel that something inside of you bursts and dies at the same time. It's just scary and you would feel that paranoia when somebody comes to your life, then they will just leave no matter how much you gave your best just to make 'em stay. 

I have no one to run to. At the very moment I felt so alone. But of course, I know to myself that my mind is overthinking just because of seemingly interconnected series of unfortunate events  I AM NOT ALONE. 

i HAVE HIM. I have our God the highest. He never leaves, He never left and He never will. 

Oh, something crossed my mind that night; my fellow member from our ministry, PPM has read an excerpt from a devotional book she is currently reading: 

"When important individuals go away, we are sad, until we see that they are meant to go, so that the only thing left for us to do - to look into the face of God for ourselves"

I asked her then, "How can I apply this the last line? (to look into the face of God for ourselves) She answered my query right away, "Just spend time with God, seek His face alone, and just desire to be with Him. Remember: His ways are higher than our ways." 

I decided then to put my phone aside and had a one-to-one encounter with God - I solemnly prayed without any distractions and before I can even process a thought, the tears just kept on flowing like a rivulet. However, I still managed to be sensitive with His voice - even more sensitive than the usual. 

Me: God, why do those people choose to leave me? 

God: Because they aren't meant to stay in your life. Their purpose on you has ended but it doesn't mean you are alone and you have to stop living up to your own purpose.. Don't keep a blind eye to the other blessings you have. There's so much more to life than those problems. 

 In case you are wondering, this is not a kind of weird, extended hallucinations but yeah I can hear His voice. If you do not buy that fact, grab a chair and wait for me to care. (JK)

At that moment, when I felt "nothing" because those important people are now gone in my life, His greatness lifted my spirit up and replaced that "nothing" with "everything" I became uncharacteristically optimistic and I was filled with unwavering resilience. It feels so good that I can really feel that these circumstances are under His will. He wanted me to desire more of Him and Him alone, so He cut off the distractions along my journey of seeking His kingdom.

It also made think about my parents and how lucky I am still to have them. I can actually tolerate if everyone leaves me, but I can't if my parents will no longer be by my side. I realized how much I should love them because at the end of it all, they will be the ones who will care and make me feel that I am worth it and loved. 

If I were to visualize myself that night, it was like I was kicked and drowned to the sea of complexities and suddenly I had an anchor and that made me get myself out of the major fuss. I confidently stood up amidst the disaster and thought, "Hey! These experiences are ought to make me better! Not to get me stuck in a place wherein I will not grow and will constantly blame the world for my existence." 

Maybe I just have to learn lessons the hard way. These wounds are blessings in disguise and I should just probably just stop touching them to have an ability to cope up immediately..I am still fortunate enough compared to others. My Mom consoled me yesterday and we had a good session of parental talk, I felt more driven and fueled to achieve my goals in life. I suddenly want to get out and explore the realms of world. I want to make those people realize that their absence in my life isn't the end of me.

I will still keep on slaying, peeps. *Gives flying kisses*   

    Love lots,