Red Head

Right after graduation, I had a plan to amp up my look a little, so I decided to dye my crowning glory red. I was with my bestfriend that time and we were together at the salon. We came up with the decision of choosing the similar  color, deep mahogany, as part of our sister goals, 

But unfortunately, right after the treatment at the Salon, the result became unsatisfactory. The color barely shows up and is not visible unless the sun rays flash on my head. I already uploaded a photo (from our swimming from 8 waves) having that hair color but it is really disappointing. 

We headed back to the salon 3 weeks after because it's not really the color I wanted to achieve! My expectation has fallen off. Fortunately, they are accommodating and they dyed my hair for the second time around though we have to add an additional payment. Then now, here comes the result! 

(GGSS strikes) 

I don't know how this color is called because they mixed up the color in accordance to my preference and I didn't pick it from their catalogue. They said it was a mixture of burgundy brown and red with 36% solution so the color pay-off is a bomb. Now, I am satisfied so I give them a peace sign. 

Red hurr don't curr! Ah-huh. 

'Til my next thingamajig post, 

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Two Wounds

Whenever we tend to be a little careless and trip over something, consequently making us fall on our knees, there's a large catch of possibility for us to: 

A. Get hurt 
B. Get Wounded 
C. Be Sprained 
D. All of the above

A single wound can inflict so much pain on our system, regardless of our tolerance level. Others may seem tough and belittle that wound, but somehow it would still ache. Specially during the healing process in which you are to disinfect the wound and let an alcohol run through it- and it stings like the way memories hit you. 

Tackling its figurative side, that wound actually represents a BREAKUP, which hurts and takes time to heal. In the end, these wounds will turn into scars which could be no longer obvious but they leave an indelible spot on your body. 

Meaning, we cannot really take these breakups off our minds. They cannot be totally forgotten, even if we have already moved on. Some scars aren't removable and we just have to learn to live with them. 

But the question is: 
What if you have gotten a wouned you are trying so hard to endure and heal but not after a long time, you had another one? 

Worst case scenario: It's bigger and greater than the preceding wound - A FRIENDSHIP BREAKUP. This is probably the most crestfallen type of breakup that anybody could experience. Well, it depends if your former lover holds more importance than your best pals, but of course for the majority it's the latter which matters more. Therefore, a friendship taking its toll tends to be more painful than having a guy/girl end things with you. 

Recently, I just had that terrible experience. 

Another night of trembling lips, brimming tears cascading down my cheeks and feeling something breaks inside of me. I am still in a healing process of a wound in my heart and yet here comes another one. This is not to ask for sympathy but now I am scared to get attached with people because once they opt to leave, you would feel that something inside of you bursts and dies at the same time. It's just scary and you would feel that paranoia when somebody comes to your life, then they will just leave no matter how much you gave your best just to make 'em stay. 

I have no one to run to. At the very moment I felt so alone. But of course, I know to myself that my mind is overthinking just because of seemingly interconnected series of unfortunate events  I AM NOT ALONE. 

i HAVE HIM. I have our God the highest. He never leaves, He never left and He never will. 

Oh, something crossed my mind that night; my fellow member from our ministry, PPM has read an excerpt from a devotional book she is currently reading: 

"When important individuals go away, we are sad, until we see that they are meant to go, so that the only thing left for us to do - to look into the face of God for ourselves"

I asked her then, "How can I apply this the last line? (to look into the face of God for ourselves) She answered my query right away, "Just spend time with God, seek His face alone, and just desire to be with Him. Remember: His ways are higher than our ways." 

I decided then to put my phone aside and had a one-to-one encounter with God - I solemnly prayed without any distractions and before I can even process a thought, the tears just kept on flowing like a rivulet. However, I still managed to be sensitive with His voice - even more sensitive than the usual. 

Me: God, why do those people choose to leave me? 

God: Because they aren't meant to stay in your life. Their purpose on you has ended but it doesn't mean you are alone and you have to stop living up to your own purpose.. Don't keep a blind eye to the other blessings you have. There's so much more to life than those problems. 

 In case you are wondering, this is not a kind of weird, extended hallucinations but yeah I can hear His voice. If you do not buy that fact, grab a chair and wait for me to care. (JK)

At that moment, when I felt "nothing" because those important people are now gone in my life, His greatness lifted my spirit up and replaced that "nothing" with "everything" I became uncharacteristically optimistic and I was filled with unwavering resilience. It feels so good that I can really feel that these circumstances are under His will. He wanted me to desire more of Him and Him alone, so He cut off the distractions along my journey of seeking His kingdom.

It also made think about my parents and how lucky I am still to have them. I can actually tolerate if everyone leaves me, but I can't if my parents will no longer be by my side. I realized how much I should love them because at the end of it all, they will be the ones who will care and make me feel that I am worth it and loved. 

If I were to visualize myself that night, it was like I was kicked and drowned to the sea of complexities and suddenly I had an anchor and that made me get myself out of the major fuss. I confidently stood up amidst the disaster and thought, "Hey! These experiences are ought to make me better! Not to get me stuck in a place wherein I will not grow and will constantly blame the world for my existence." 

Maybe I just have to learn lessons the hard way. These wounds are blessings in disguise and I should just probably just stop touching them to have an ability to cope up immediately..I am still fortunate enough compared to others. My Mom consoled me yesterday and we had a good session of parental talk, I felt more driven and fueled to achieve my goals in life. I suddenly want to get out and explore the realms of world. I want to make those people realize that their absence in my life isn't the end of me.

I will still keep on slaying, peeps. *Gives flying kisses*   

    Love lots,

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When Demons Strike: An Open Letter to Myself

I have started jotting this down at exactly 3:50 AM last night. Random ramblings like this will keep on preventing me to have fitful slumber if they aren't expressed. Some thoughts are meant to run wild once in a while.  

Dearest MACG,

           Oh look at you. Those demons are roaring loud, infusing insecurity on your system. I guess aside from caffeine, they possess so much more power to keep you wide awake while indulging with self-hate..Yes, you may seem exuberating with a gargantuan confidence whenever you expose yourself to the world and to the people surrounding you, but little did they know that going to sleep is a struggle for you because your  insecurity is such a big, fat opportunist and it screams the loudest at that point wherein you are preparing for dozing off. Then those demons lurking in the dark will slowly ruin your eunoia. 

16 years of existence. 5'2 in height. Average looks. Not-so-pleasing personality but got a badass dose of confidence whenever needed but your attitude is really a flop. Well, you do have a bunch of youngsters who admire you, and you somehow feel appreciated all at once. They would go cray about your appealing looks (according to them) and writing or speaking skills (though you're far cry from a pro), they would go stalk you, shower consecutive likes on your photos, and message you telling how beautiful you are but after a week or so they would just disappear and you would find them admiring someone else who's better than you. 

And you're just there, proceeding with life though it might have felt pretty bad that it was just a momentary admiration. In a sudden you would go compare yourself with some other girls at your age who reap a lot of achievements as soon as you age. You would see a picture of them parading their success, going to a place you've been wanting to be at but you cannot because you are restricted, hanging out with their beloved squad, and showing so much affection with their boyfies and all. It will make you realize how much you don't have.

Now you will compare the amount of likes they get compared to yours (ridiculous but that's just how you are) and you would use that as a basis for your beauty and worth. You're not famous, you're not as fabulous and gorgeous you think you are. 

Who even do you think you are? You are nothing but just a speck of dust in this universe. Nobody really loves you, that's why they don't stay. Your friends left you, your lover did too. Maybe because there's really something wrong with you or maybe you're just not the type of person who people will have a likely disposition to gravitate to. You are better off alone. Because nobody would rather be with you who's an angel with a halo at start with those heart-eyed emoticons but later on you will turn into a selfish bitch who doesn't really have a genuine care for them. That's what really you are. You expect people to deal with that? Well, you are not the "Oh-damn-she's-so-pretty-af" kinda gal that others would endure being with despite her bitchy attitude so don't be that delirious. 

You want to be a stewardess? Damn girl you don't even have a nice set of teeth and your height sucks. Look at your body. Just wish you luck that you would grow taller. taller through the years but how would that hapoen if you don't even grind? Furthermore, your irregular sleeping pattern is a bummer to that dream of yours. Look at your body, oh girl do you even have a butt? Ha-ha. Better start working out or you will be never deemed sexy in this generation. 

More of these thoughts will hit replay on your head. (Insecurity intensifies) You would turn to Him who has become the sole reason of your existence. "God, why did you even create someone as useless as me? I don't even have a talent. I can't do anything but eat, sleep and surf the net for the rest of my days. I can't go somewhere else I wanted my sould to be at. We're not even that rich to get what I want. I'm just nothing but an average individual. When will you start revealing my purpose do I can start working on it now so that the span of my years living here will be lessened?" 

That's what you rant to God everytime these insecurities attack you. Not good to know that a gal like you who has that deep sense of connection with Him will have those thoughts running, but you're just being honest to Him. You've been feigning your confidence for way too long and you can't keep that forever. 

Actually, you don't blame others for being better than you, instead you blame yourself for being not good enough - nothing but a mediocre. 

These pessimism-subjected thoughts would go play in a loop until they gradually fade. Self-doubt, inferiority and insecurity will tuck themselves on every part of your brain. But let me just remind you of those lines you've submitted on your high school yearbook as your life mantra: 

EMBRACE THE GLORIOUS MESS THAT YOU ARE; NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. 

(C) tumblr.com

Live up to those thoughts, okay? You have to realize your worth. Oh darling you badly need to because you are amazing. You really are, believe me. But you being stubborn, I know you won't still be convinced because you need someone else to attest that claim. 

You say you are better off alone but deep inside of yours, you just need someone whose love will roar louder than those demons. You need someone who will constantly remind you how beautiful you are inside and out and you are always worth it. 

You are a marvelous person and the only way to go is forward always put that in your heart, mind and soul. Do not measure your value with this current society's gauge. And please, do not place your worth in someone's tendency to stay. They will leave because they aren't meant to stay in your life. Not because there's something wrong with you.

If someone wants to be a part of your life, they will simply be without any reasons nor excuses at all. Likewise, some friends who are better off without you should be left as they are. You cannot please them to have you back in their lives. Just deal with it, darling. Maybe a new set of pals will come on your way and they are a better company that the previous one. Treat those people who left you with good riddance. 

So keep your head up, keep your heart strong. Damn, you didn't let anybody else give themselves a consent to feel like an inferior, but you gave one to yourself. Keep those eyes open, will you?! You got a couple of amazing parents by your side and you will always be a princess to them. Your family is such a gem, get yourself up from the pool of negativities so you won't keep a blind eye to those blessings which God is showering you with. What you have is just enough, darling. You are just asking for more. But please, just don't. All you gotta do is wait and chill for more blessings impending your way. Don't rush nor give in to eagerness. 

Something life-changing will eventually uplift your spirit, Alright? Just for once, take a moment and kick those demons away by yourself. Be appreciative for what you have.

Lastly, 

Patience. 

Patience. 

Patience. 

A lot more patience. 

Loving you so dearly, 

-*-*-*- 

Damn that felt so good. *Sighs in huge relief* 

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Maybe the Stars Didn't Align for Us

Destiny and Fate – two of the most controlling forces that make two people gravitate towards each other no matter how far they wander. They will cross paths despite the entire circumstance they are facing. Through the years, they might fall apart but they will always find a way back. The universe will be the one to cause them cross paths again and rekindle the love they once had. They don’t have to battle against all the odds, because in the end, no matter what they do the triumph is theirs. They are simply meant to be, through all the trials and hurdles they encountered along the journey of their love, they ended up being on each others’ arms - fortunate individuals.

On the other side, there is a couple who has been through a lot. Every day is a challenge to survive. As they wake up on their beds, the unpredictable happenings are getting stirred and prepared for the two of ‘em. No one knows about the day they are about to face but there’s a high probability they might end up into a major fuss and petty fight as the usual. No matter how much they try, it’s always a flop. No matter how often the girl pleads to God for them to get through that day peacefully, the guy inevitably screws up, and that’s a signal for another round of clashing sides and justifications.  From the saccharine exchange of messages in the morning, they end up into long, dreary arguments which usually take a week to be totally repaired. The girl once asked her mother, “Mom, do you believe that two people are really destined together? Or we create our own destiny? As if I wanted this guy to be with me til the end of time and we did everything to fight for our love, will we end up with each other even destiny says no?” The mother answered, “No. I believe in destiny. Someone out there is destined for you. You might have met him already or not, but no matter how far you push him away, he’ll always find a way back to you.” 

----

At that point I realized that we cannot force compatibility. If it’s not meant to be, it’s just not and vice versa. Bur they say we hold a pen to this story called life, thus we create our own battles and we have a sense of control on what happens in our lives.

So my mindset was, I cannot fully succumb to the power of destiny. I wanted to create my own. If I want something badly, I would freaking go out of my way and go get it. Should I step out of my comfort zone and get hurt in the process, perseverance shall remain intact in my vocabulary. I am a firm believer that if you want something/someone, you would get them if you are willing to gear up and fight all those odds, sans the help of destiny and fate.

  

But I guess I have erred on that absurd theory clouding inside my silly head. My strength, worth, energy and happiness will just be discarded into drainage if I keep on pursuing someone just because I wanted that person so bad. It’s like I am jeopardizing myself into an edge of a cliff for an attempt of reaching what’s on the other end and the person who serves as the subject of all these foolish moves is the one behind me, slowly pushing me towards the deep abyss next to the cliff.

I have to raise the white flag and admit defeat; we are only meant to become star-crossed lovers – opposed by fate and disapproved by destiny. You might still love me (even your actions show otherwise) and I undeniably feel the same way. But unfortunately, the stars just don’t align for us, and I should lay all my armor down now and probably just wait for someone to fight for/with me, not fight against me. If it’s not on your will to be that “someone” then that no longer holds an inclusion in my business. I have done everything I could, enough is enough. 

Xoxo, 

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To the Sweetest and Most Wonderful Mistake I've Ever Made (from candymag.com)

"Hey, it's been almost a year since we started chatting all night and day. Those sweet text messages you would send that could melt my heart. Those words I didn't expect coming from a guy like you. Those countless phone and video calls we had that we wished would not end.

It's been a year since those simple gestures of yours would totally complete my day. I remember the tricks you'd do just for you to be able to touch my hand. The way you intertwined your fingers in mine, secretly under our table. The way our eyes meet whenever I caught you staring at me. The way I knocked down your finger knuckles, and you couldn't stop laughing and complaining because you kept on telling me that it was so painful. But I won't stop, because I love watching you laughing while being in pain. Those times when we walked together around the corridors of our school, and I felt protected because you were like my bodyguard.

Months passed, we accidentally had our first kiss on your birthday. It was just a smack but I bet that, for you it was the best gift ever on your day. I felt a bit awkward with you that's why I asked for a space. But that time, you were the type of guy who didn't have the word "give up" in your vocabulary. Each day, whenever I opened my Math notebook, there was always a letter slipped within the pages coming from you. It's funny to think that those love letters could still exist in a world where Viber, Whatsapp, Messenger, and iMessage are used. I always thought that letters were  just for throwback's sake, but you proved me wrong. It felt so wonderful that a girl like me would still be able to experience such things, and maybe that's the reason why I finally decided to remove that awkward space between us.

Graduation hits, and this marked a new chapter of our story. Suddenly, we need to be "just friends." But I guess our love was too strong that time, making us keep our relationship a secret. Luckily, we survived for almost 3 months in that kind of situation.

But I guess it's true that things can change. From the oh-so sweet and understanding guy, you suddenly changed into something I can't even begin to explain. I can't understand you now. You're unpredictable, you're cold, you've turned into something I didn't expect you would. You're different now.

You seldom start a conversation with me online, you even hate it when I call you on the phone and I really wonder why. Those sweet messages of yours that used to melt my heart into happiness, they now turned into cold, dry statements that can literally break my heart into pieces. Whenever I had problems, I really wanted them to share with you. But I just can't because I know you'll only get irritated with me. You're going to tell me I'm just being childish and over-thinking such things. That I'm the only one who's making problems that don't even exist on the first place. You know what, it kills me, but my stupid heart is too strong to ease that pain you're causing me.

Sounds like a martyr right? Well, because I'm madly in love with you. But now I realize I should love myself before anything else—even you. I should have cared for myself too because my world doesn't only revolve around you. I existed even before I met you. I lived without you in my life. I survived having no one to care for me at all. I lived by just simply daydreaming of my Prince Charming and I survived being unloved by the person I wanted the most.

Maybe it's time to let go, because sometimes it's much easier than holding on the ropes that can only hurt us more.

I love you, I know you know that. I don't regret loving you or being loved by you. It was wonderful. You taught me a lot. Because of you, I've turned into something I never expected I could be. You changed me into a better person. You're a blessing in my life, a blessing in disguise.

I really don't want to let you go, but the holes are so deep already. I need to heal them and fix myself first. You also need to fix and find yourself. I don't know if  our paths will cross again, but I'm hoping it will happen when we're better, when things are all in place. But if you find a girl that could make you happier than I did, don't be afraid to love again. Don't worry about me, because it's my decision to let you go. Love her more than you loved me. Treat her better, or should I say the best, so she won't give up on you the way I did.

I'm waving good bye to "us." We both need to breathe. Remember that no one can replace you in my heart. I do love you, and I know you love me, too. But I guess in place of our love, pain and hatred have filled the spaces instead.

You will always be the sweetest and most wonderful mistake I've ever made, and the most beautiful disaster that ever came into my life. Again, thank you for everything. I love you but I need to let "us" go."

-----

NOTE: THIS IS JUST A REPOST. CONTENT IS NOT MINE. But since it just hits through my hypothalamus, I feel like reposting this here. Almost all of the words here reflect the message I've been dying to write and tell someone, so thanks for the one who did this article and submitted it to the site, All credits are given to whom they are due.

Link to the post: http://www.candymag.com/features/from-our-readers-to-the-sweetest-and-most-wonderful-mistake-i-ve-ever-made?ref=cx_search

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Summer Escapade at 8 Waves!

The summer's sweltering heat is apparently getting on my nerves. I can barely stand being in my room since the boiling high temperature is making me feel immediately sticky even right after freshening up. So during my Mom's previous birthday, I really gathered my guts and made a favor of spending her celebration in a form of wallowing in a pool somewhere near in Pampanga - her hometown. 

Fortunately, this gal's wish has been fulfilled. We decided to have a summer escapade at 8 Waves Water Park resort located at San Rafael, Bulacan. (Woohoo) What made it more exciting was the fact that my Lolo and some cousins were going to be with us. I was so stoked and all set! 

(#MickeyG's OOTD) Lol 

We got there 30 minutes before it hits 3 PM. Mr. Sun is still invading the sky and I cannot put my skin at risk yet by basking on it so we seized the moment by capturing some pictures first. 

Right after the mini-pictorial sesh, it's now time to change and strut on that swimsuit I've been wanting to clad of. :) 

GGSS Selfies! :) 

My swimwear is the usual two-piece with a classic tropica design but the bottom is a short-type since my parents won't let me expose too much skin. I also had to wear a yellow, see-through cover up because I feel so skimpy sans it. 

(With my Dad) 

(With my Mom) 

The shots above were taken in front of the wave pool. Since my I'm-afraid-to-get-dark radar can still detect Mr. Sun's rays, I decided to skip that pool for awhile and just save it for the night swimming. I I proceed to the covered pool first or the "Lap Pool"as what they call it. 

The lap pool is more like an olympic-sized pool with five divisions. The rightmost part is the shallowest - 4 feet, while the middle part has a depth of 4 and a half feet, and the leftmost part is the deepest with a depth 5 feet.  I was so astounded because the water felt so clean and refreshing, unlike to the other resorts' pools I got into wherein you'd be disgusted to dive deeper of its surface because it seems like a lot of people has already peed on it.Thumbs up for the water quality they have on the pools which I discovered is consistently checked. :) 

 

You know, I cannot stay on the lap pool forever; there's so much more to explore at 8 waves so I disembarked and wandered around. 

I found my two cousins having a thumping good time on the kiddie pool. 

Here's a view of their Safari Pool with a couple of slides - one for adults and one for kiddos. I was a bit disappointed though
because being a wild-eyed lass I am, I always seek for extremes, apparently the slide got no thrill at all. 

Here's their Grotto. Well, there's no much hype on it but a good spot for insta-worthy shots.

The time has come to hit those killah waves we've all been raving about! Here's the most sought after Wave Pool of 8 waves. 

The wave pool with 8 different kinds of waves. 

At first the waves weren't as luscious as I am expecting for, they were tranquil and soft. I even though they wouldn't get more immense and more rippling so I asked one of the lifeguards if they will switch it to its more forceful mode. He said the "real" waves shall start at 7 PM. After an hour of indulging to the wave pool's warm waters (probably because it's more exposed and more people are on it compared to the other pools) while grooving to the oh-so-good music played on the background (rave songs, honey), I couldn't be more delighted. But I just hateeeee the first part of their playlist because its songs remind me of something/someone not worth remembering at all. 

Oopsie, I digress. As the clock hits 7, almost all peeps on the waterpark lump themselves on the wave pool and whoa, the waves have transformed into forceful, crushing and successive. I was shouting all the stresses away as I dauntlessly thrust myself to the rage of waves. My parents were keep on pulling but I insist on telling them I can face the waves by myself. I even went to one of the deepest part of the pool and faced the waves! Haha. The place was filled with colossal cheers and whooping "whoas"

The key to prevent yourself from drowning is to have a good leap as the gigantic waves approach you. Just go against its flow and you'd have the best experience without putting your life at risk. 

Another trick is to stay at the shallow part of the pool and turn your back against the waves. Keep a good sense of back as it seemingly massage your back with the water's force. Make your body intact to where you are or else the water will transport you elsewhere and that would probably hurt.

Good thing the waterpark has a special promo this summer - during Fridays and weekends, you can stay and enjoy the place until 11 PM with a regular fee of 250 Pesos per head. (Children and senior citizen are discounted) 

We enjoyed the rest of our time hitting those waves and melting the heat of summer brings. I wouldn't say it was the best place to have a summer getaway but it wasn't that bad! :)  It was such a good opportunity to flee from the entire stress and bad vibes I constantly had to deal with due to overthinking and roasting weather. 

Thank you, Big G! 

'Til my next adventure,

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