My Broken Promises to Myself

I always tell myself that I will no longer write about you.
I will not reminisce the past.
I won't let myself be enslaved by the pain of you not being on my arms.
I will no longer care.
No more tweets will be about you.
Your name won't come out from my mouth anymore, and even if you slip from my tongue it won't affect all my systems.
Because I am trying to convince myself a hundred times that you no longer care about me.
Gone was the guy who I used to love.
Similar physique but you are now screaming a different persona to me.
Same eyes that used to piece through my soul, but now they are stone cold.
Same hands that used to me intertwine with mine, but now the spaces on them seem to be doing fine without my fingers filling their spaces.

How did we even end up with this? Why did YOU let us be in this way?
I promised myself not to question things that are inevitable and immutable. But I always break that promise the same way you have broken yours.

It's such an irony how you could be the most mysterious person who came into my life, knowing that we used to be inseparably close before. I can't even look at your pictures anymore because it feels like you're a stranger, a stranger who came into my life and left me with some indelible memories I cannot seem to wash off my mind no matter how hard I attempt.

I promise myself not to accept your apologies once you come back.
But for you I am always a forgiver.
I promise myself don't get burned by the same fire twice.
But no, you told me you will be back and it fueled the fire in me again which remains imperishable since the day we met.

I promise myself not to expect for an extension of our story.
But you gave me another false hope, asshole.

I promise myself not to give in,
But I always do when it comes to you.

I promise myself to remain strong.
But then our song plays on the radio and it wear off my armor of pretense.

I promise myself not to miss you,
But I find myself waking up in the morning searching for your presence beside the empty space of my bed.

When will you even realize that I love you so freaking much that I am willing to break these promises to myself just to have you back?

But above all these, there is one promise that remains unbroken:

The promise that I will never ever give up on you.


PS: 
Please read between the lines, 
I still love you.